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Basic InformationMore Information"I have benefited from AA and the 12 Steps... Very much so!"A Better MeetingAA Is To Shame As A Hot Knife Is To ButterAging and Alcohol UseAlcoholic's Anonymous, Outcomes and New Research on AlcoholismAlcoholics Anonymous (AA) is a Cult ?An Alternative to PowerlessnessAttachment to OutcomesAwakeningConcerning Problems Within AADefining and Understanding the Concept of Denial, Addictions and OtherwiseGauging the Effectiveness of One Component of Alcoholics AnonymousHow Drugs Affect The BrainHuffing: Parents and Kids BewareIts Never Too LateLike Phoenix Risen from the Ashes of Addiction, A New Addiction Recovery ProgramNIDA InfoFacts: Drug Abuse and AIDSNIDA InfoFacts: Drug Addiction Treatment MethodsNIDA InfoFacts: Drugged DrivingNIDA InfoFacts: Pregnancy and Drug Use TrendsNIDA InfoFacts: Understanding Drug Abuse and AddictionOn the Question of Medical MarijuanaPain Pills, A Real PainPerverse MotivationRandom Thoughts About Addiction, Delusions and HallucinationsRecoverySelf-EfficacyStaying Sober: Dealing With TemptationsSteering Versus DriftingThe Author of Your FateThe Enlightened PathThe Impeccable PathThe Mentality of ChildhoodThe OPEN PathThe Paradoxical Sinclair Method For Treating Alcohol DependenceTwo MindsWise Counsel Interview Transcript: An Interview with Annie Fahy, MSW on Motivational InterviewingWise Counsel Interview Transcript: An Interview with John C. Fleming, MD on Preventing AddictionWise Counsel Interview Transcript: An Interview with Laurence Westreich, MD on Helping Families Help Addicted MembersWise Counsel Interview Transcript: An Interview with Marc Kern, Ph.D. on Rational Alternatives to Alcoholics AnonymousWise Counsel Interview Transcript: An interview with Morteza Khaleghi, Ph.D. on the Importance of Treating Emotional Trauma in Addiction Wise Counsel Interview Transcript: An Interview with Patt Denning, Ph.D. on Harm Reduction Psychotherapy for Substance Abuse and AddictionWise Counsel Interview Transcript: An Interview with Stefanie Goldstein, Ph.D. on Mindfulness and Addiction TestsLatest NewsComputer-Based Screening May Reduce Teen Substance AbuseTeen Impulsiveness Has Different Sources in ADHD, Substance UseAccelerated Aging Evident in Cocaine-Dependent IndividualsMany Who First Misuse Prescription Pills Get Them From Friends, Family: ReportCocaine Habit Might Speed Brain AgingUse of Ecstasy, Speed by Teens Tied to Later DepressionHalf of Young Cigarette Smokers Also Smoke Pot: Survey12-Step Meetings May Help Teens Beat Alcohol, Drug AbuseAlcohol Use With Opioids Common Even Without Abuse PastSubstance Abusers, Even Recovering Ones, May Face StigmaDrug, Alcohol Abuse Common Among U.S. Teens, Study FindsAlcohol Effects on Brain Activity Vary With Blackout HistoryPrenatal Meth Exposure Linked to Behavioral ProblemsExcessive Drinking Costs U.S. Colleges Millions AnnuallyKids Using Synthetic Pot a Growing Public Health ConcernSpring Break Boozing May Put Young Brains at RiskMany Alcoholics Suffered Childhood Trauma: StudyGenes Play a Role in Drug Abuse Risk Among Adopted Kids: StudyNarcotic Painkillers Another Threat to Traumatized War Vets: StudyDrinking Scenes in Movies May Spur Teens to Do the SameStrict Underage Drinking Laws May Deter Delinquency in TeensEcstasy Use During Pregnancy May Harm Fetus: StudySupport for Tougher Liquor Laws Rises When Booze, Crime LinkedBooze in Movies May Fuel Teenage Drinking1 in 10 U.S. Kids Lives With Parent Who Has Abused Alcohol: ReportStop-Smoking Drug May Also Curb Problem DrinkingIllicit Drugs Bought Off Internet May Be Poisons, Experts WarnHard Drug Use in Middle Age Could Prove Fatal, Study FindsDrinking Late in First Trimester May Be Most HazardousAlcohol Targets Brain 'Reward Centers' in Heavy DrinkersOne in Six Americans Binge Drink: CDCMeth Users Much More Likely to Try SuicideFor Some Couples, Binge Drinking Is RoutineStates Crack Down on Drunk Drivers This Holiday SeasonDrug Overdoses Kill More Americans Than Car Accidents: CDCAlcohol Use Down, Pot Use Up Among U.S. TeensDrunk Driving-Related Deaths Surge During the Holidays'Ecstasy' May Cause Long-Term Changes in Brain ChemistryToo Much Alcohol Linked to Unsafe Sex, Study ConfirmsIf Parents Drink and Drive, Their Kids May Too: StudySmart Kids More Likely to Try Illicit Drugs as Young AdultsHelping Others Helps Teens Beat Substance AbuseDrugs Slipped Into Drinks Sending Many to ER: ReportHeavy Meth Use Linked to Schizophrenia'Fake Marijuana' May Trigger Heart Trouble in TeensMore Than a Third of Teens Turning to Alcohol, Drugs: StudyMore People Landing in the ER After Abusing Muscle Relaxant: ReportDeaths From Abuse of Painkillers Triple in a Decade: CDCNational Drug Take-Back Day Scheduled for SaturdayPot Can Mimic Brain Changes Seen in Schizophrenia Questions and AnswersLinksBook ReviewsSelf-Help Groups |
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Will He Hit Me Again???Wed, Nov 2nd 2011Dr. Schwartz, My name is Jessica. In order for me to explain my situation, I must start from the beginning.
I met my boyfriend 6 years ago right after I graduated high school. It was magical for 4 years. He never said anything degrading or demeaning to me, never touched me violently, never treated me in any ill manner at all. For 4 years it was like a fairly tail with him, even though we lived with his rather large family. He held me on a pedestal, we joked, played, we were the best of friends, and we had an amazing sex life. As a matter of fact, this is the only man that has ever wanted to make sure I am satisfied sexually before seeking his own gratification...
Then we bought our first house together, alone. Almost immediately after we bought our home things slowly fell apart. He lost his job, leaving a large financial burden on me and, as he found no job possibilities for some time, he fell into a deep depression.
I started working more to keep our bills paid and he started drinking heavily with friends. Then his friends introduced him to drugs and it started getting worse. He would fly into these unfounded jealous rages when I came home from work, accuse me of cheating on him, and steal money off me. Then he began calling me names on a daily basis, like whore, slut, fat ass, retard, bitch, etc. Then he started hitting me. He beat me pretty severely quite a few times. Once he kicked me in my legs for an hour with cowboy boots on, once he punched me so hard in my temple my face split open and I passed out, waking up later in the bathroom covered in blood. Once he held me over the basement stairs with a knife at my throat, once he held a shotgun to my head.
But all it took to leave him was something small. I cooked for over an hour, made a beautiful meal for us, and he brought his friend home. So I served them both a plate and he took one bite, chewed it up, and spit it in my face. The next day I got ready for work, made him a cup of coffee, gave him a kiss goodbye, said I loved him and left with just the purse on my back. I didn't go back.
We were apart for nearly a year when, one day, he called me and said he wanted to give me my things back. I met him and he loaded my car up and we talked. He seemed changed. He quit doing drugs and drinking and was cleaned up, shaved, and his hair was done. He was wearing my favorite cologne, some I had bought him our 3rd anniversary. I kissed him. All the good memories came rushing back to me from before we had that house, and I couldn't help myself.
Unusually, I had never been physically attracted to anyone else before or after him, even though I did have a few flings after I left him. So, seeing him like he used to be before things went sour struck a chord.
Dr. Schwartz, we have been living together for a year now since we reunited and he hasn't gone back to drugs. However, financially, we have been having some difficulty lately. I lost my job 4 months ago when I started college and he works and pays all of the bills and never sees a dime of his own money.
I feel terrible that I can't find a job that works around my college schedule but I can't quit school. More than anything, I want to be a doctor. Anyway, since the financial stresses began, he has been starting to snap at me when he's stressed, calling me a gold digging whore, saying I use him for money, calling me a fat ass. I cry all the time. It hurts taking his money. He doesn't make much and he pays all my bills, even my car and cellphone. I don't ask him to though. The only time I ask him for money is when I'm out of gas. I don't even ask him to buy food. I go to food giveaways at churches. I don't want it to end up like it was before.
Tell me, do you think he is abusive or do you think it was the drugs that made him do it? Ever since he started calling me names again I have been terrified he will start hitting me again, even though he has never laid a finger on me since we have been back together.
Please help, I need advice. THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.
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